Random Thought Generator

Technically, I have three hours left to put something here under my own rules. However, the rules of my willpower forbid me from writing anything when I have nothing remotely interesting (or at least partly planned out in my head first), the rules of frozen chicken only permit me sixteen more minutes to take it out the oven and the rules of the Gregorian calendar dictate that a new day begins at midnight. Therefore, I have a matter of minutes to come up with a topic and whitter on about it to a pseudo-humorous degree in as many words as possible (well, not really 'cos I'm stopping at 750).

This would be the point where I imagine someone has invented the random thought generator and made it commercially viable so I can get one for a princely sum and never have to work hard again. Unfortunately, as it turns out, the random thought generator was invented some 200,000 years ago by some fella named God and gave each one of his human-shaped creations a random thought generator (or "brain") upon entry into existence by default... sort of like Internet Explorer 8 getting bundled with Windows 7 or Wii Sports with a Wii. Unlike IE8 and Wii Sports, however, the human brain is essential to us mortal beings for our every waking and sleeping second upon this plane, which is why it takes the piss sometimes when its more essential functions are overshadows by humming Herb Alpert's "Spanish Flea" over and over until your face leaks, or by thoughts of meeting another human being you'd like to spend the rest of your life with in a mutual friendship extending to occasional acts of a sexual nature. But even then, the thought generator is still at maximum randomness as you remember watching Deal Or No Deal earlier in the day and before you can stop yourself, you're naked, stimulated and picturing Noel Edmonds for the next eight seconds (...it never happened).

Well, ding. Time's up. Or at least it would be a "ding" if I were in the same room as the oven... or if the oven dinged. Thanks very much for coming, I've been babbling, good night!