Beansprouts

Remember when I told you three weeks ago about my recent vacation in Germany? Well there was just so much stuff I had to talk about I can't believe I've missed some out. It largely centres around the E.coli epidemic that was going on over there and the time I thought I had it. I didn't really have it, I'd just eaten far too much cheese, chocolate and ice cream (although not all at the same time, that's just ludicrous!) so my diet went all wibbly and my bum bum felt like a fucking warzone. Lying down on the cool tiled bathroom floor seemed like a good idea at 3am in a panic-ridden state of "oh my God, I'm gonna die here tonight", fearing that I'd crap so hard I'd end up flushing my very life and soul down toilet never to be seen again. Cool tiled floors are never what they seem though. They are, in fact, not cool. They're fucking freezing. I even needed to lay a towel out on the floor to act as a buffer between body and temperature-not-best-suitable-for-body. I don't think I fell asleep there but I might've well done for about half an hour. But hey, when you're in a hot room in a hot country with only the bare essential underclothing on and feeling like you want to undress more but don't wanna leave a trail of blood and innards all over the place, you kind of want to go lie in a cold room for ages until it passes!

I don't think I had the evil disease, though, and it was probably just paranoia kicking in, and I believe this for one reason: during the entire trip I didn't see any beansprouts at all. This even displeased me in a Chinese restaurant one night where the all-you-can-eat buffet lacked one vital ingredient. "God, you'd think they'd have some beansprouts," Jamie muttered stupidly to himself, the dumbass, before eventually remembering that Germany's supply of beansprouts was under intense investigation during this time for putting people in hospital. The thought didn't come to his mind straight away though, like a lightbulb coming on, but instead was more like a fluorescent tube light that flickered for a few seconds before blinding him with the stupidly obvious realisation. I think it was the fact I was in a Chinese restaurant that threw me off. They have the same things in Britain as they do in Germany which is weird because they specialise in food from China and my internationalism-scope-er-ometer must've malfunctioned for a few seconds.

I learned to use chopsticks for the first time though, so it wasn't an entirely horrible trip.