Thankful For Glade Touch 'n' Fresh

I really have to stop drinking Strongbow.

Why? Does it tear up my insides?
-No

Does it give a terrible headache the next morning?
-No

Do I go through it so often I'm just losing money?
-No! It's because it makes me awfully flatulent!

Yes, Strongbow fucks up my ass. It makes my farts stink even more than farts should normally stink and they come all too frequently as well.

If I'm ever to meet a fair young maiden (or failing that, her 'not-so-fair' friend) it may not make the best impression for my to be continually followed by the smell of the festering remains of last Tuesday's chicken and potatoes mixed with dead apples and constantly having the noise of a depressed lawnmower protruding from my back door, which is a shame really, since alcohol seems to be my only gateway into the world of meeting new people. And usually my tipple of choice will tend to be that fermented bitter apple ass fuel, which puts me in a kind of Catch-22 situ-(hang on, need a crap..............OK I'm back now)-ation.

Ooof! You know, it's at times like these I realise I really am thankful for Glade Touch 'n' Fresh... but back to the rambling...

(Although to be honest, the fact that you're reading this line means you've read through all that and you are strangely interested in the activities of my bottom, you pervert.)

Anyway, next day always means the memories of the night before come flooding back (and apparently tumbling out of my ass). Memories like "oh, so I did have pasta bolognese for dinner last night".

I would, of course, just like to say that not all of what you've just read is true. I actually had pasta bolognese on Tuesday and chicken and potatoes last night.

Like "Whoa!" And Stuff

I've been inspired by boredom (and the faint smell of what I can only assume is either cannabis or somebody having forgotten to water their plants in their hot bedroom) to write something on here. Trouble is I'm still finding it difficult to get excited about the surroundings when I don't know many people here. Of the people I do know, they either live far away (not as far away but still away from this Halls of Residence complex) or they can't be bothered with me! Is it too much to ask to befriend people who currently live a short walk across the way from me?! Nevertheless, I've resigned to myself being a current sufferer of Weltschmerz.

But what, exactly, is this Weltschmerz of which you speak?

Please. Give me time to type!

Weltschmerz is a word of German origin, meaning "world pain", and is used by the people of Germany to describe the depressing sensation of realising that life and this reality in general will never live up to the expectations of the human imagination... and a vivd imagination at that. Trust the Germans to come up with a single word for such a concept.

So, after telling myself numerous times I wouldn't hype up the idea of University life in my head whilst in my humble hometown, I big fat stupid went and did it anyway and now I feel bad that, even though we're only in the beginning stages, I've built up an idealistic view of what I would expect this whole place and its people to be like and now had it cruelly shattered before me as I can no longer dream of moving away and imagining what this place has in store for me because... well... I'm here.

I don't actually know where I'm heading with this and it's quite late and I'm babbling and very soon I won't be making any sense any more and fuh wazzle poop mo'hinggy frrop booble-wazzle in my guh-HAY'VIN like "whoa!" and stuff so yeah I'll stop now.

Besides, tomorrow I actually have classes featuring human interaction!