The Bubble

Yes, my general disposition over the last however shitting long it's been has remained one of dissatisfaction with the way life seems to pan out in the real world. It seems that all I'm doing with this blogspace is constantly trying to use different words to find ways of saying the exact same thing over and over, leaving this place fairly stagnant.

I'm on one of my depression kicks again, it seems. I've written about it previously as the sensation of feeling nothing as opposed to the sensation of feeling sad. I don't like to throw the word "depression" around though, especially as I've seen worse cases of it than my meandering existence. Besides, as it stands, I'm not completely in that state since I seem able to pick myself up out of it as easily as I can find something to distract me. Namely TV, video games and generally doing something that doesn't involve me staring forlornly out the window for hours at a time.

It's finally occurred to me that I've spent quite a while wrapped in a bubble of niceness for so long that I've failed to realise it popped several months ago. By the way, in this analogy, the bubble is my time at university. I've figured that because I enjoyed myself a great deal towards the end, I wasn't ready for it to be over when it was. Staying in the area with a couple of friends may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but in the long run (i.e. around about now) it's left me feeling as awful as my writing habits.

Those who stayed behind were a select few whilst several others left for better pastures, which isn't hard since the area in which I'm currently trapped is a less than desirable pasture. Of those ones who've stayed behind, I very rarely meet up with them due to conflicting schedules. All of a sudden, the uni bubble has disappeared and I've been thrust back into the real world I spent the best part of four years trying to get away from, and I've finally been forced to admit that all of those friends I made during university have become the very thing I swore they wouldn't become. "Just Facebook Friends".

Don't get me wrong, in an ideal world I'd drop every aspect of life and several others to see a lot of them again in a former uni-like capacity. But that harsh reality of a bubble-less existence is that, whilst I may still consider a bunch of those people to be some of closest friends in this life, my only real contact with them anymore is sparing... and virtual.

On top of that, I have to deal with the practicalities of life and resign myself to the fact that what I do for a living needs to be just that: practical. So what if I have a degree in the Creative Arts? Actually, so what if I have a degree in anything? So many people end up spending the more extended portions of their lives in a field not even remotely related to what they spent three years striving and stressing towards.

So this is me, just trying to adapt to real life once again. Turns out the journey of discoveries and other such fruity metaphors isn't over, just of a completely different nature. The uni bubble is gone and I've suffered the initial faceplant back into workaday normality. Now I just need to brush myself off and try adapting to this much bigger bubble called Life. You know, before that one pops for good too.

The Easy Option

I can't live alone.

I absolutely could. I'd manage. It'd probably be the easiest way for me to live the life of day-to-day dull and drudgery I seem to have going for me. Ideally, I'd spend the rest of this paragraph coming up with all sorts of situational reasons to back this point up. However, since I've reached a certain point of hopelessness, apathy and another word that means "UURRGGHHAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH", I'm gonna use the words of someone else. I transcribe from the televisual text How I Met Your Mother: Season 7 Episode 21 - Now We're Even; author, Chuck Tatham.

"When I first moved into my new apartment, I was nervous. For the first time in my adult life I didn't have a roommate. But then it hit me. For the first time in my adult life I didn't have a roommate. If I wanna walk around naked, nobody cares. If I wanna leave the laundry basket in the middle of the living room, nobody stops me. If I bring home soup from the deli and leave it in the fridge for two days, nobody eats it. And if I do something collossally stupid, nobody ever has to know."

Okay, I probably would've done it much more British-y than that. I mean, like I'd bring soup home from a deli. But the fact remains that living on my own would be the easy option for me. If only it was, actually, an option. But it's not.

I can't live alone. I can't afford it.

Instead, I need to rely on others to contribute financially, just like I need to rely on others to write half my blog posts for me.