Thankful For Glade Touch 'n' Fresh

I really have to stop drinking Strongbow.

Why? Does it tear up my insides?
-No

Does it give a terrible headache the next morning?
-No

Do I go through it so often I'm just losing money?
-No! It's because it makes me awfully flatulent!

Yes, Strongbow fucks up my ass. It makes my farts stink even more than farts should normally stink and they come all too frequently as well.

If I'm ever to meet a fair young maiden (or failing that, her 'not-so-fair' friend) it may not make the best impression for my to be continually followed by the smell of the festering remains of last Tuesday's chicken and potatoes mixed with dead apples and constantly having the noise of a depressed lawnmower protruding from my back door, which is a shame really, since alcohol seems to be my only gateway into the world of meeting new people. And usually my tipple of choice will tend to be that fermented bitter apple ass fuel, which puts me in a kind of Catch-22 situ-(hang on, need a crap..............OK I'm back now)-ation.

Ooof! You know, it's at times like these I realise I really am thankful for Glade Touch 'n' Fresh... but back to the rambling...

(Although to be honest, the fact that you're reading this line means you've read through all that and you are strangely interested in the activities of my bottom, you pervert.)

Anyway, next day always means the memories of the night before come flooding back (and apparently tumbling out of my ass). Memories like "oh, so I did have pasta bolognese for dinner last night".

I would, of course, just like to say that not all of what you've just read is true. I actually had pasta bolognese on Tuesday and chicken and potatoes last night.