Getting Spherical In The Cube

Unfortunately I was rather horrified at what I was watching since the X-Factor got upped to live auditions, nay but seven days ago.

So there I was, thinking my Saturday nights of televisual pleasure would be ruined for this autumn. Luckily I was saved by the orange face of Philip Schofield and the "credit crunch" Crystal Maze of the future. And no, I don't mean in a crazy-ass 'futuristic zone' kind of way. I mean where all the games take place in a giant perspex cube using the same props and features supery-dupery amazing slo-mo camera technology which makes the whole thing look like it was lifted straight out of The Matrix. Because without the super technical tomfoolery, the games are essentially "THROW A BALL INTO A BUCKET!" or "PRESS A BUTTON AT THE RIGHT TIME!!" and even "WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE!!!"

What I love about "The Cube" though, is how seriously the show takes itself when it's quite clear how... erm... what's the right word to use here.... 'CRAP' the show is! The booming voice adds too much seriousness to the tackiness of the game. Even when the contestants run out of lives (you know, like Mario) the evil voice, which is known as "The Voice Of The Cube"... apparently (despite the fact its just some guy in the back with a Dalek voice-changer and a crazy-ass echo effect), booms out "Contestant Defeated!" They might as well just make it a game of Life or Death meaning that once they run out of 'lives' they literally run out of life, hearing The Voice Of The Cube booming out the last words they'll ever hear, "Contestant Annihilated!" before some freaky gas gets released into The Cube and the contestant just dissolves right before the audience's eyes!

Might be fun to watch several times over in super slo-mo Matrix mode too.