You're On Your Own, Kid

As a teenager, I used to act very young for my age. So much so that by the time I was 18 I felt like most 16-year-olds do. I carried this with me to the age of 21 when I started Uni, like most 18-year-olds do. Right now, I'm staring 24 in the face and often congregate with peers who are, naturally, younger than I am. But the difference there is only a fact of chronology. Inside, I feel 21 and that "life begins now" and other such uplifting ideologies of the young-adult.

During my time of living, I've come across people from all walks of life, including those who understand the concept of egotism without understanding the concept of subtlety, and those so timid and insecure in their own beings that they make 16-year-old me look like that twonk from One Direction who sleeps around with old people. Nevertheless, I embrace these humans with personalities of all shapes and forms. Then I apparently smear them on the internet, but I digress. Growing up is kind of an art form. Some manage to do it earlier than others but when it does happen, it's almost like taking that first leap into the unknown. Actually, forget the "almost"; it's exactly like taking a first leap into the unknown.

The point I'm struggling to make here is that, yes it's scary and yes it's terrifying and yes you don't want to do it alone, but unfortunately that's how it's done. The problem with life is that it doesn't come with an instruction manual. As a result, things just have to be "picked up", learned by experience and put into practice by oneself who must, somehow, learn the art of discipline in which to do it. For the first time in today's ramble o' crap, I turn to author Dean Koontz and his bestselling novel Odd Thomas:

Keep busy [...] because idleness will get you in worse trouble

Doing nothing leads to nothing. Doing something leads to something. Life's mad like that. Sorry if this seems like I'm simply stating the obvious, I haven't just happened upon this philosophy like some grand awakening or owt. I'm saying this because I've known several people in my life, and probably will come into contact with more in the future, who don't realise this. The harshness of life is that everyone is alone.

Completely.

Alone.

And I'm not just saying that because I'm perpetually single. I have friends. My friends have friends. Some friends have boyfriends or girlfriends, and some friends have friends who aren't really friends but still clog up space on your Facebook feed because you met them that one time, remember? And they said that thing about the thing that you laughed at, remember? And now they just spend their existence posting maudlin song lyrics and cat videos every seven-and-a-half minutes, right?

But the thing is, friend or lover, superman or cat-lady, not one of these other people you know in your life can live yours for you. Your life is yours alone and what you choose to do with it is your choice alone. If you want to climb a skyscraper using only toilet plungers for grip, go and do it! If you want to stay inside all day and watch the same DVD boxset you've watched every day for the last three months, go and do it! But if you lose your hold on those plungers and plummet to the ground, you're on your own, kid. And if that DVD gets jammed and you can't progress to Disc 4 to resolve the cliffhanger you already know the ending to, you're on your own, kid.

Selfishness is an art. I know I said earlier that growing up was an art, but selfishness is a part of that and contributes a great deal to the artisticness of life and that. But especially for those who don't want to tread on any toes, make any enemies or cause upset to someone, selfishness is an art, and a tricky one to get right at that. Once again, I refer you to the novel I just finished reading two days ago:

Being polite is not only the right way to respond to people but also the easiest. Life is so filled with unavoidable conflict that I see no reason to promote more confrontations

I hate confrontation at the best of times and, quite frankly, I find the idea of provoking conflict moronic and somewhat suicidal. Politeness is good. Conflict is bad. I learned that in fucking school. But unfortunately, selfishness, one of the staples of life, is a big contributor to the progression of arguments. One person has a problem and expresses it, the other person has no problem and doesn't understand why the first person does, mutual disagreement happens, CONFLICT!

Because I view myself as such a "nice" person, I find it difficult to point out flaws in others, or points at which I may disagree with them. I notice all of these things, sure, but articulating them in such a way that doesn't create some kind of verbal explosion between the involved parties worries me. So I hold my tongue, let things build up inside me, make myself feel bitter and mumble and grumble at myself about how such-and-such-a-person needs to take notice of themselves and grow up and et cetera and all that.

And I store it up to the point of breaking, where I eventually snap and hammer away at a keyboard to make my brain-thoughts known to the entire world (read "nobody at all", unless they happen to be actively seeking this out which, given the number of people occupying the planet, is more unlikely than likely) and go about my day silently cursing everyone I walk past because they're not me. Because, obviously, I'm right and I've got this whole existentialism stuff cracked and nobody else has at all. Well, maybe a few others have, but a fair few haven't and that makes me angry at their stupidity.

I promised I wouldn't write bad things about people on the internet because, obviously, that's where the future lives. But I guess rules are made to be broken. And if this all comes back to bite me in the ass, I've only got myself to blame. Nobody else. Just me. Alone. Call it life experience.